Building self confidence in your children is one of the most important things a parent can do for their children.
Confidence is lacking in our children and young adults today.
We all want to raise our kids to become independent, confident kids that have the grit to go out and conquer the world.
I’m not talking about the false confidence in our physical appearance that our culture screams at us.
I’m talking of the confidence to try new things and fail; the confidence to trust their own judgement and not follow along with the crowd because it’s what’s expected of them.
I’m talking about having high self-esteem and becoming a problem solver; not a problem maker.
So, how do you do this?
How My Parents Raised a Confident Adult
The tips I’m fixing to impart to you are based on what my parents did as they raised me and my siblings.
My parents raised me to become a competent adult who is confident of myself and what I can achieve.
They never used false flattery or even praise. They never hovered and micromanaged my every decision.
What they did do was give me responsibility over myself and my decisions. They gave me the mental skills I needed to solve problems and never stop learning.
Do you want to give your children the competence they need to become an adult who has the confidence to go out and chase their dreams if they so choose?
What Does a Confident Child Really Look Like?
- A confident child recognizes his or her abilities in a realistic manner and knows their limitations.
- A child who is confident doesn’t need their friends to validate their decisions.
- A confident child isn’t afraid to stand up for what’s right. That’s what we all want our kids to do, right?
Allow your children to become independent and grow their confidence
Parents have a tendency to hover and micromanage every move their child makes. I’m somewhat guilty of this also.
But, in order for our children to gain the confidence they so desperately need, they also have to gain some independence to make decisions and choices on their own.
This way they gain positive or negative consequences from those decisions and hopefully learn from them.
How to raise confident, competent kids
Speak their love language
Love speaks in many different languages. Sometimes saying I love you isn’t enough. Actions speak louder than words.
Don’t know how to speak your child’s love language? Read The 5 Love Languages for Children and you won’t have a question about it.
Related: 53 Fun Activities to Become a Fun Mom and Make Lasting Memories
Be present and listen to them
Put down your phone and listen to what they’re really saying to you as if you’re carrying on a conversation with another adult. You would never start checking Facebook while your best friend is telling you about their day. If so, something is seriously wrong.
Be present and make them feel as if what they have to say is important no matter how small the matter because to them it is important.
Quit hovering
Quit hovering over them and give them some breathing room. They need to know that when they fall they can get back up on their own and if they can’t, Mama will be there to help.
Don’t worry so much
Stop worrying so much over the little things that in the end won’t amount to a hill of beans. Kids, in the end, make their own decisions in life and the little things that you did or didn’t do probably isn’t going to affect the major choices they make in life.
Let them make their own choices
Allow your kids to make their own choices and live with them. If you’re at the store and Little Johnny insists on a red sucker but you know he loves blue and he will hate the red after he opens it, remind him he loves blue and let him choose the red one.
Next time he’ll choose blue.
Let him figure out how to think for himself.
Teach life skills
Life skills isn’t all that’s needed for confidence. We all know that, but it sure does help to know how to fix a few problems in life when they arise.
Let them solve their problems on their own
Build your kids confidence by letting them learn how to solve their own problems. There comes a time to step in and help, but I firmly believe that this is one of the greatest confidence builders for anyone.
Teach them how to think critically and they’ll be able to solve those problems.
Let them make mistakes
Let them make mistakes while they are still under your care and you can help them fix those mistakes.
Don’t keep your kids from making mistakes until they are out of the house and in the real world. This is a recipe for disaster. They won’t know how to fix them effectively by then.
Avoid Flattery
Flattery is false praise. Our kids know when we’re being fake. They’re pretty smart.
Flattery isn’t going to give your kids confidence in any way, shape, or form.
If you want to praise them, praise them for their character or give them a high five when they actually accomplish something they’ve been trying to do for days or weeks.
Teach them people skills
Please and thank you go a long way. Teach your kids manners and how to talk to people. Teach them to shake hands and look them in the eye while they do it.
Teach them to hold a conversation by having a conversation with them yourself. I meet so many young adults who haven’t been taught any people skills and struggle with self esteem.
I don’t think this relation between the two is a coincidence.
All of these points boil down to 2 things.
Independence and Responsibility
Kids need to have something to be responsible over. Responsibility over their:
- actions
- words
- choices.
They also need independence to make mistakes, learn from those mistakes, and make better choices because of that.
Become intentional about growing a confidence in your child that empowers him/her to go out and do great things for the world.
What about you? Are you a pretty confident person? If you would add anything different drop a comment below and be sure to pin on Pinterest or you favorite social media.
