When you’re pregnant with your first baby you don’t anticipate the effect this precious bundle of joy will take on your marriage. Where once it was just the two of you, it’s now the three of you and the third wheel (baby) takes a little bit more of your time and effort than your spouse expected.
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Let’s be honest, babies, and even kids, can put a damper on the romance department. Hormones change, priorities change, and life shifts just a little bit.
These things change the relationship between a couple, either for the better or for the worse. But, with a few intentional choices you can have a great marriage after babies come along. Things don’t have to get cold and stale.
Related: How to Pray for Your Husband for 31 Days
Let’s Talk About Ways to Keep Your Marriage Hot After Babies and Kids
There’s really something to be said for the security of being in a relationship for the long haul.
With that being said, here are some of my favorite tips to keep your relationship strong and hot after babies and kids.
Related: 7 Things Our Husbands Need to Hear Everyday
Related: 7 Things Your Husband Desperately Needs from You
1. Have Boudoir Photos Taken
I know what you’re thinking-
“I could never do that!”
“I’d look awful in boudoir pictures.”
“What will everyone think?”
You know what? Your husband would love it and he can be the only one that knows. He don’t see what you see. He sees the beautiful, amazing woman he vowed “for better or worse” to however many years ago.
He sees the woman who has shared the hard times, as well as the good times, with him and stood with him through all of it.
He sees the mother who has brought forth his children and has given up everything to care for them.
He loves your flaws and every inch of your body. Why not celebrate that and show yourself how beautiful you really are?
Trust me, boudoir photos will empower you and make you feel beautiful for yourself as well as your husband.
2. Don’t be afraid to spice things up in the bedroom
Your husband needs sex to feel closer to you, to connect with you on a deeper level, and to release the tensions and pressures in his life.
What better way to improve your marriage after kids to spice things up a little? You know, like a newlywed couple in the bedroom.
The physical act of sex is a gift from God explicitly for husband and wife to enjoy. It’s the only relationship you can have with your spouse that shouldn’t be gotten anywhere else.
Sex shouldn’t stop just because you have kids.
I get it…
Maybe you don’t feel like it or you’re tired. Wrangling kids, house, and business all day can wear a girl out.
But, experts say that if we anticipate and think about sex throughout the day it can actually jumpstart things in the bedroom. It’s worth a try, right?
So, shave your legs, break out the lingerie, and make a plan to get sexy tonight.
If you’re postpartum and are still healing up just disregard this point and get sexy in another way.
3. Give Yourself Some Breathing Room
We all need a little time to ourselves to think, pray, or just recharge after a stressful day. There’s nothing wrong with that.
Stress wreaks havoc on our bodies and relationships (source) and can change our relationships because it affects us in every way.
Sometimes after a long day with the kids I just want to hand them over to my husband and spend an hour or so in my room. ALONE.
That’s okay. Give yourself permission to do this. It will better you and better your relationship with your husband and kids.
4. Go on Regular Date Nights
When I say regular I mean- at least make an attempt to have a night out or a night in. I love nights in.
Get a babysitter, hit up Grandma, or send the kids to a friends’ house and go out. If you’re a homebody kind of couple rent a movie, grab a pizza, and stay home. Your choice.
5. Greet Each Other After Being Apart–
After a time apart- a day, a week, a few hours, don’t forget to greet each other when you reconcile. Does your husband ever walk in the door without a hello from you? A hug or kiss? Maybe not even a glance up?
Change it starting today. Greet your husband with a hug, kiss, and tell him, “I’m so glad your home” with a smile when he walks in the door today.
Related: The Worst Mistakes that Can Ruin Your Marriage
6. Flirt With Your Husband to Keep Your Marriage Strong After Baby
Turn back into a teenager and flirt with your husband again.
Slap him on the butt, tell him how hot he is, get a little cheeky when you answer him. Send him fun, sexy text messages throughout the day to let him know you’re thinking about him.
Get creative and let your husband know you still desire him and that you’re still as spunky as the young girl he married.
7. Touch Regularly
Touch is a language of love, but even if it’s not your husband’s love language he still needs touched apart from sex. To touch someone means we acknowledge and appreciate their presence. This is a fantastic way to communicate your desire for your husband.
8. Have meaningful conversations without letting the kids butt in
This is something that’s important to me. When I’m talking to my husband and I allow the kids to butt in, or if he allows it, it says that what the kids have to say is more important than the conversation between the two of us.
Maybe I’m old school this way, I don’t know, but unless the baby is crying, someone is bleeding, needing to go to the hospital, or needing to pee don’t interrupt Mama and Daddy when we’re talking.
19. Go on a Weekend Trip Occassionally or Send the Kids Away for the Weekend
There’s no better time like the present to connect with your spouse. Go away for the weekend to a cheap state park cabin (or maybe a not so cheap cabin) or send the kids away to Grandma’s or friends’ homes for the weekend and spent a quiet weekend at home connecting with each other.
Another great weekend idea that will not only allow you two to connect but also strengthen your marriage is a marriage conference. We went to an XO Marriage Conference with Dr. Jimmie Evans 3 years ago. It was a blast and such a blessing to our marriage.
We not only got to connect but we got to strengthen our marriage with knowledge that we’ve learned through the years, but have forgotten over time. It’s nice to refresh our memory and reconnect with our spouse while we’re doing that.
Jimmy Evans is the founder and CEO of Marriage Today and the author of the Marriage on the Rock seminar series. This was the first marriage seminar I listened to and it’s all still as relevant today as it was 16 years ago.
I highly, highly recommend it. If you’ve never listened to it, get it today. It’ll absolutely change your marriage.
There’s no Need for an Unhappy, Stale Marriage After Just Because You Have Had a Baby or Have Kids
Your relationship doesn’t have to break down just because you have kids. With a few mindful actions, some hard work, and a lot of commitment your marriage can be stronger and hotter than ever.
Your kids are going to be grown and gone one day. I see couples split after the kids leave all the time.
Don’t let this happen. Do all you can to strengthen your marriage now to enjoy it when your kids do leave.
Make sure you’re having fun, making memories, and getting sexy to keep the relationship problems at bay.
Has your marriage struggled since having kids? What do you do to fix it? Drop a line below. If you liked this post be sure to hit the PIN or Share button and tell your friends and family.
Excellent ideas here! I have been married 11 years and my daughter is 9. It seems hard to squeeze in that fun time with my hubby now that my daughter is older. I really love the idea of boudoir photos. That sounds really fun.
So many great tips! After 12 years of marriage and 3 daughters, this was right on time. I have always thought about having boudoir photos taken.
Boudoir photos aren’t as bad as many women think, especially if you have a good photographer. They’re actually pretty fun and I’m very conservative and shy!
Spending time together as a couple is very important and with kids it can be hard to make that time unless you are intentional about it.
Yes, Tiffany you have to be intentional about it or it won’t happen, right?
Giving one another space is exoecially true for us after 10 years. Thanks for the advice! Marriage is hard and you have to work at it to keep things healthy!
This post is SO full of really great ideas. We don’t yet have kids, but already sometimes struggle to make time for each other with such busy schedules. We’re both nervous for when kids come. This gives me hope and some great ideas for even now 😉