Marriage Expectations
We all come into marriage with expectations. We women have expectations of romance, lots of cudldes, and the sharing of chores. Your husband had the expectation of lots of sex.
After a few months of marriage, those expectations are dashed like pouring water over a campfire and they change according to our season of life.
After 16 years of marriage, I still have expectations of my husband and he the same with me. They’re just not what they used to be.
Here’s the thing, we all have expectations and we all have needs. Expectations change over time; needs stay the same.
When we think of what a husband needs from his wife we automatically think of sex. While that is true, a man needs far more than that.
What a husband needs from his wife varies greatly from what a wife needs from her husband. Believe it or not, we speak different languages. Wives speak from a language of love, men speak from the language of respect. Remember that for later.
Related: 7 Things Our Husbands Need to Hear Everyday
Related: The Worst Mistakes that Can Ruin Your Marriage
Related: 10 Ways to Babyproof your Marriage and Keep it Hot
7 Things Every Husband Needs From His Wife
Every Husband Needs Sex
Sex is a physical need of your husband, not just a want. Your husband needs sex to feel closer to you, to connect with you on a deeper level, and to release the tensions and pressures in his life.
Not only does he need it, but he needs you to want it and enjoy it, Ladies. He needs to know that you enjoy being with him and connecting with him on this level. He needs to know that he satisfies you on every level.
Husbands Need Honor and Respect
This is also a God-given need of your husbands. In Ephesians 5:33 Paul writes, “However, let each one of you love his wife as himself, and let the wife see that she respects her husband.”
Notice it doesn’t say to only respect him “if”. It says respect your husband. Period.
Like I said earlier. A woman speaks love, a man speaks respect. God created man and woman with two different needs so we can meet each others needs. Your man can’t meet his need for respect by himself. But he can meet this need elsewhere.
He can get it from work. He can get it from other people or other women. Where a man finds respect, that’s where his heart will be.
Where do you want your husband’s heart to be? At work? At the bar? Hanging with his friends? Or at home with you and your family?
So, how do you honor your husband’s need for respect?
- Treat him better than he deserves. Treat him like the man you know he can be. I know this one can be a hard one when you know your husband just doesn’t deserve this. But this speaks volumes and will make him want to live up to the man you see in him. Praying about it while you do won’t hurt anything either.
- Let God be God. When it comes to making decisions and you feel like you have to speak your mind, speak it and let it rest. Pray for God to take it into his hands and don’t try to overpower your husband with your opinion.
Husbands Need Affection
Sometimes affection can often be over looked. We tend to think men just want sex for affection, but men need us to touch, hug, and be tender with him outside of the bedroom, also. Ask your husband how his day was and listen while he tells you. Give him a hug and kiss when he comes home.
Don’t be afraid that a little affection is going to lead to the bedroom. If you are, read the first need of your husband again.
I’m going to be honest, affection doesn’t come easily for me. I didn’t come from an affectionate family and I just don’t think affection is in my genes much. There are days when at the end of the day I realize that I didn’t initiate a hug or kiss or a touch and I feel terrible.
As Scarlet O’Hara said, “Tomorrow is another day.” I try again tomorrow and make a point to be more affectionate.
Husbands Need Their Wife’s Approval
Your husband needs your approval. He needs to know that you approve of him as a man, as the head of your family to lead even when things get tough. When your husband has your approval he feels like he can scale Mt. Everest.
I know a lot of experts would disagree with me and say this would be an emotionally dependent relationship. I totally disagree with them. We should strive to be our husbands biggest supporter. His biggest champion and cheerleader.
Let him know that you approve of him. Tell him that he’s doing a great job. Let him know, in words, how proud you are of him for standing up and leading your family.
Every Husband Needs to Be Loved in His Love Language
Every year, Mother’s Day through Father’s day our pastor preaches a family series. One of the most popular sermons of the series is the “Buffalo and Butterfly” sermon.
Women are compared to dainty butterflies and men are compared to clumsy buffaloes. We eat butterfly food, they eat buffalo food. You kinda get the picture, right?
You can’t feed a buffalo butterfly food and expect that buffalo to flourish. Vice versa.
Your husband has a love language all his own. You can’t
love him the way you need to be loved and expect him to flourish and feel loved. He needs fed buffalo food.
If you’ve never read The 5 Love Languages get a copy today and read it. Trust me, it will change the way you view love, marriage, and your husband.
Love your husband in his language. Give him some buffalo food.
Husbands Need Their Wife’s Confidence and Support
Your husband needs to know that you have confidence in him to lead your family. After all, God did place man at the head of the household.
1 Corinthians 11:3 states, “But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God.”
He also needs to know that you have the confidence in him to stand behind his decisions. Even if they are bone-headed. This is supporting him in all he does. Unless it’s something illegal or sinful. That doesn’t qualify.
Your Husband Needs Your Prayers
Our husbands face sinful temptations multiple times a day. They don’t have to go look for it, it’s thrown right in their face. Your husband needs your prayers to fight these temptations and keep them at bay. The power of a praying wife can change his world (and yours too). Don’t know exactly what to pray? Here are 31 prayers to blanket your husband in prayer every day.
Find out Your Husband’s Needs
Here’s the deal. I’m not writing this because I’m a perfect wife. Far from it. I’m writing this out of the mistakes that I’ve made and from the very few things I’ve done right.
Your husband needs more from you than you probably realize. Sit down together and ask him what he needs from you. I guarantee you he will list at least half of this list. If you have the 5 Love Languages r,ead it again. If you don’t, buy it now. Find out what food your buffalo needs.
If this post was helpful to you comment below and PIN or share. What are some ways you intentionally show your husband how much he means to you?
I love this. I’ve been married for 5 years & sometimes it feels like it’s been longer! But I love him, & wouldn’t trade him for anything! ❤️
I remember our 5th year mark. It doesn’t seem like very long ago but then again it feels like a lifetime ago! Congrats on the 5 years and many more to come.
I desperately needed to read this today. Since we added our bundle of joy to the family, we have bickered quite a bit. I definitely need to pause and try to love him the way he deserves to be loved. Thank you!
Cayla, we bickered quite a bit in those years of adding babies to our family. It was always tough when we had a new baby. My husband felt left out and ignored and like he wasn’t getting enough of my attention and I had all those postpartum feelings. I understand. We should get a pass that 1st year after adding a new baby to the family for meeting our husband’s needs but it just don’t happen like that does it? 🙂
Great topic. I appreciate the honesty in this post. Thanks for sharing these, I know as a wife it’s hard when life gets in the way, but it’s important to selflessly love my spouse.
Yes, selfless love is exactly what it is 🙂
Such a good read! I had to learn to adjust my praise meter to a higher level when my husband became disabled because of back issues, him not being able to work until a decision of disability is made has caused him to struggle in the area of self worth. I realized then that prayer for him and encouraging had to happen every day!! Saying this to say that seasons of life may alter which food the Buffalo needs 🙂
April, yes that is so true! I’m sorry about the disability. That can definitely throw a blow to your husbands self worth and self esteem and they definitely need extra prayers and praises during that time. Just like you said- Seasons of life changes what we all need from our spouse.
All wonderful suggestions and very useful. Key is to talk with our husband they are all different.
Mine doesn’t want to talk or try in our marriage pretty much at all. I have tried EVERYTHING I can think of to reach him and to get him on board with loving me and I tell him what I need and with the husbandly duties he should take on to no avail. It’s pretty much always been like this. When I try to talk to him he gets angry and defensive and says why don’t I just leave meaning me. So I go without most of my needs being met everyday and don’t know why he won’t just love me the way a Godly husband is supposed to love his wife. I love him and I try to show him he just doesn’t want what I want. I’m now recently going thru some Serious illness and can hardly function he helps a little but a great deal of work is left including cooking. Once again I have only been really ill for 1.5 yrs and these problems have been happening since 2007. We have been to around 5 councellors and he never does the suggestions so we don’t go back. 😔
My heart goes out to you! I was in a seemingly hopeless marriage too. For many years tried everything I could. But I realized my focus was on him and what he needed to change. Sure, he had “more baggage” from a difficult childhood but I had my own issues as well. When I shifted my focus to just becoming a better “me”, and being a daughter of God, I was blown away by how God moved mountains for us!! Our marriage is better than ever and we continue to grow closer. We’ve come through infidelity, addictions, financial hardship, emotional abuse, and more. And are stronger for it. Praise the Lord!!🙌
I pray this brings you hope. God will meet those needs you have, until your husband is able to. And don’t be afraid to ask godly friends to stand in faith and pray for your marriage.
Yes to all of these!! My husband and I are planning on reading the “5 Love Languages” together soon. We want to find new ways to love each other well.
I love this. Some of these are good reminders for me. Thank you!
All very good points. My husband and I are coming up on 16 years too and it only gets better with time as I’m getting better at all of these points. Thanks.
Congrats on your 16 years of marriage and many more to come!
These are very well thought out suggestions I agree with all of them. Great job on explaining each one.
I absolutely loved the post! As I was reading, I was thinking to myself, with these principles she has to love the Lord and as I continued on reading, I realized I correct 💛 keep up the awesome post
Awww. Thank you! Yes, I do love our Lord.
Great reminders! Although we know, it’s easy to forget!
I needed this today. I have some fixing to do right now! Thank you.
Well I have read it today it’s been good I actually tried it now and my boyfriend really could get himself together he was happy and kept on blushing
Thank you dear
Great to hear!
This was very helpful. Thank you!
This was a very good read. I am only in the first year of marriage but I find myself only worrying about little things like “did he hug me enough today” “ does he still like me” or “he sounds ill, maybe I made him mad” when in reality I’m just an over thinker (because he is amazing at meeting my needs) but I haven’t spend much time wondering if his needs were being met. Very good read to make me focus on his feelings more than my own. Thank you!
That’s great to hear! Thanks for stopping by and reading!
What do you do when you’ve done all thsi and he still cheats on you? Not sleeping with other women, but secret FB full of women and secret texts and messages.
Sara, I’m so sorry this is happening in your marriage. This is when I say get professional help. A counselor or pastor who is QUALIFIED to counsel married couples. Pray, pray, pray for your husband, yourself, and your marriage and don’t be afraid to open up to someone to become a prayer warrior for you.
Awesome read! Every person that is married should read this. Marriage is a work of art. And it is never ending! We all need to be reminded of these loving facts from time to time. Thank you!
I absolutely loved this! I am fixing to go buy the 5 Love Languages book right now! Last your was a really hard time for my husband and I we had almost got a divorce over things both of us had done. Me I wasn’t being the wife I was supposed to be to him and I let myself go completely. He on the other hand was talking to other females behind my back and it had been going on for a while. So I forgave and forgot and now we are both doing wonderful things together! I am going to take this post and use it every day for the rest of my life! Thank you so much for this great advice.
Charla, Thank you. I’m so glad to hear you didn’t give up on your marriage. You have a wonderful testimony here. Keep up the good work!
What would you suggest if the husband stays home with the kids? He has his profession, but his schedule is so flexible that we decided he would stay home with our small children until they were old enough to go to school. He has become resentful over time. I am the one that leaves and comes home. I do not receive the “hey honey how was your day” Curious to know what you would suggest.
I would suggest talking it out. Be honest and encourage honesty from him. Being the main caretaker of the kids may be fine for some men, but just like some women aren’t content to be the main caretaker neither are some men. Remember this has nothing to do with his love for your children or his love for you. Talk everything out and if all else fails don’t be afraid to see a marriage counselor who is equipped to counsel you two on this. Your marriage and your relationship should be your number 1 priority. Handle accordingly. God bless.
I really started off wanting to fulfill my husband’s needs, but honestly after several hurt feelings and betrayals i just can’t put my heart out on the line like that again. This man always disappoints me. My feelings don’t matter. I’m always made to feel like i’m sinful for feeling hurt and expressing it. I can’t trust him and i dnt believe that he loves me. I’m just too tired and frustrated to even consider meeting his needs.
Good article. As a husband, I can say that the 7 things are on point. The only thing I would fine tune is the “Approval” item. I can’t say that I want my wife’s approval, but I do want to know that my wife respects me as head, protector, etc. I will always be those things whether she approves or not. So I suppose “approval” is a subset of respect. I also like the fact that the author realizes that men want affection too. We also want to be our wive’s hero, which is also a part of respect I suppose. Respect goes a long way. Sex is another thing that we want because it relays the message from our wives that we are loved, desired, and we have a very intimate bond that transcends casual (or intimate) sex outside of marriage. Anyway, great article. A wife would do very well for her husband, marriage, and household to know these things.
I love this post so much. Yes to all of it! My husband and I have been married two years now, and every day I am learning about the commitment required to nurture your marriage. It’s so easy to slip into thinking about the things you want your partner to do for you, but shifting your focus to how you can be serving them is actually very liberating. Thanks for sharing!
Great read, needed it as I’m engaged and want to be a blessing to my new husband!!
Congratulations on your engagement!
This article couldn’t have hit my heart any harder. Deep down I know this is what he needs but reading this and figuring out how to approach is enlighting. The part about treating him better then he deserves was a hard one for me but makes sense and is something I will be striving to succeed at as well as trusting God in everything and remembering that this isn’t my battle to fight. God has my back. Thank you for this read. God bless
Absolutely Excellent!
I worked, then when my son was born I stayed home til he was 4. Went back to work and my son went to day care. He loved being around other kids and doing different things. He always wanted to go there in the morning. I never had to obey my husband. He knew in some areas I was wiser than him and visa versa. He needed respect as a human being as I did also. I made decisions on my own, he made decisions on his own and we made decisions together. We were always free to tell each other our separate opinions. I needed to be me and he was all for it…even when he thought I was nuts. We argue, we apologize. He knows if he has trouble with finances I can step in and help as I feel just as responsible for keeping us afloat financially as he does. As for our son… he’s awesome, kind and compassionate and silly. And hubby is equally awesome, kind, compassionate..and silly.
Hey, this is a great post! I know from experience how much my husband needs prayers and respect from me. We have been married for over ten years now and we are still learning to become better at serving each other.
This is a great article. After being my man’s wife for 7 years, even before reading this, I tried providing these all to him. I observed, he needs support, confidence and prayers. He said me not to love him so much and every other things mentioned here too. No idea how to make him express what he needs from me. Hope if u share some idea, I can be his perfect wife. Because I love him alot. Also I need to build a great family.